Other Reviews
| By: Bill Cameron |
This is very compelling!... |
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| By: admin_user |
wow - I'm great!... |
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| By: Nancy Lankston |
You captured him in just a few lines... |
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| By: uripeleg |
Thought-provoking. An interesting character! :)... |
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| By: David William Wilkin |
I think this is still unfinished for the comments I have left above. Also having the mark drive away might put finality to her part in the story. As it is we have the two white knights who really don't do any rescuing of the maiden. We just have the protagonist run away.... |
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| By: Lyrael |
This story is quite powerful. I appreciate the simple, intense way of dealing with conversation and "other voices". Very well done.... |
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| By: DayDream |
good writing, in need of an end.... |
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| By: Miller Hill |
Great short piece. You've got a knack for making your character three dimensional. I'd like to read more about this character - either a longer piece or more short vignettes. I find myself wondering what his name is. I also wonder whether my imagining of him is the same as yours - some description would be awesome. But, if all you're going for is a flash piece I say it looks pretty good. Good use of imagery, you have a strong grasp of the language and seem to be pretty precise - using exactly the words you need to to get your point across. Seriously, more would be cool.... |
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| By: Wyatt |
Wow. This is a well-written and engaging story. I work with street people, and you'd be surprised to know just how many of them have a Scratch just over their left shoulder.
I particularly enjoyed the snappy dialogue and the emotion attached to the conversation between the "con" and Scratch. Even though there is not one word of physical description of the "con", there is an immediate sense that this person "ain't human". Very good.... |
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| By: mujo |
I liked this story. The internal conflict of the narrator is both compelling and unsettling. But the fundamental problem has already been mentioned in a couple of other reviews – no ending. I’d like to go one step further in my feedback – no middle and no ending. You have a very solid beginning here, and you should capitalize on it.
You’ve created a set-up for the clash of the titans. One the one side we have the good man in dire straights – exposed to the elements as much as he is exposed to the worst of human nature in all its glorious selfishness. On the other side we have the sociopathic alter-ego, permanently sheltered from sight, who will never take the blame for any of his mischief. Fuck dammit – I want to see these two go toe to toe. Show me the blood sweetheart, and show it to me now!
Well done. Now finish what you started.
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| By: Isadora Penhold |
Being able to put the personalities of each character out there in such as short piece is excellent work - truly compelling!... |
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| By: matthewmsp |
Cool story!... |
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Date: 02-05-2009 05:05 pm
Score:
Chilling... Great job capturing the character's insanity.
