Other Reviews
| By: monkeysWriting |
The story's fine. But, it reads like a first draft. There's a lot of repetition, and poor word choice. Rewriting for a better choice of nouns and verbs, and removing everything that didn't have to be there would make it sing. Just my thoughts. Hope this helps MW... |
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| By: PIF |
Ummm, I may be dense, but I don't get it. Why should I care about some nebulous, teenaged, angst-filled wet dream? Do I have to read part two in order to understand what is going on in part one?... |
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| By: Wyatt |
Admirable attempt, but occasionally confusing and awkwardly written at times. The advice from other reviewers would seriously help to improve the story.... |
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| By: Lindance |
I'm confused reading this, the story is okay, but needs to be cleaned up.... |
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Date: 03-01-2009 10:55 pm
Score:
This does read well at all. Jumps around. The Bently character sounds too perfect and why do we need to find out about him?
All the dialogue voices are similar in cadence and word choice. It is the same person talking.
