Other Reviews
| By: Geek |
beautiful story. Some of the sentences at the beginning need to be tweaked to flow better though--there were times I had to read the paragraphs twice 'cuz they didn't make sense. Still, it kept me engaged, and it was unpredictable. Good job.... |
  |
| By: Coffeenut |
Goes without saying that the following is just my opinion:
Pros: Well written in clear form with no glaring spelling /punctuation errors. The connection the writer felt to the subject is obvious.
Cons: Minor-Way too short. The wife/mother is so underwritten to be almost non-existent.
Major-Parts of the story make no sense. The father following chinese custom at his son's funeral forms the crux of the story. Yet nothing else in the story even remotely conveys that the family is chinese. Even the child's name-Christopher-seems very american. Also, the child is decayed by death to the point of maggots, worms, etc. Yet, he speaks in a normal voice.
Most importantly, at no time did I believe that the father was so overcome by grief and guilt that he would allow himself to be choked to death by a living corpse.
... |
|
| By: Barry Thimble |
Fantastic, it is a work that is original and allows the audience to sink right into the story. Its written in a way that i would expect a "Twilight Zone" episode to be done in. Add more details, and play around with the time frame a bit. Make a backstory for Christopher, or make the father having a reflection of a while ago, and how his life has changed. Allow the story to move the audience you captured in a original way. ... |
|
| By: WatchingPreacher |
This was a really good story, although I would prefer it with another ending... Maybe a twist? Anyway, great, heart-breaking story. Could have needed a little more info on the how's and why's, therefore only 4/5 stars. ;)... |
|
| By: fallenman |
Nice descriptive elements, making an easy to imagine picture.... |
|
Date: 04-03-2009 04:34 pm
Score:
Congratulations on pulling off a complete story in so few words. I've never been able to do it.
I don't miss the character of the mother. I understand that she's no longer in the picture. What's missing for me is the personally of the father. This is a first person story and it seems that his character should really shape the story. Part of the problem with first person in this context is, if he's so grief stricken, then why does he seem so rational? But then, if he's irrational the story may not be understandable. It's a tough line to walk.
I've read this story many times, the most notable being King's Pet Sematary. I think more personally would help to separate it from the others.
