Other Reviews
| By: kyteflyer |
Wonderful tale, it kept me entranced from beginning to end. ... |
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| By: blueninja |
Very good story. I liked, although I thought the language got a little stiff and pretentious at times. Over all a very nice shaman's journey. ... |
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| By: Kattnasty |
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| By: Ross Mac Duncan |
Eccentricity of Ruscoe is picked up here. Names like Sebastian are rarely used. Sebastian likes the forest for its' coolness. I appreciate this attempt at fiction.... |
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| By: mujo |
An interesting story – not without its merits – but certainly overcooked in certain elements and undercooked in others.
Losing oneself to find oneself – not original – but what is in writing? Human themes have always been human themes – love, hate, passion, isolation - so by definition this one here is worth your while exploring, but I’m not getting the feeling this is of any special interest for you.
You spend a good deal of time describing the smallest elements – like how he got into the forest to begin with. Why? Couldn’t you have him start in the forest and show his older life by way of reflection – a technique you already use to good effect throughout the story? With this in mind could you not eliminate the second character altogether? Personally, I would have liked to hear a lot more about his wife.
A man gets lost in the forest – I’m thinking fear, panic, helplessness and more. You have treated these emotions, unfortunately, like crossing boxes on a checklist. He calls out once for his friend, then settles in to contemplating chaos theory, then settles in to catching fish, then settles in to cooking amazing evening meals. You are the storyteller, you are the master of ceremonies – take me on the ride with this guy. I want to feel with him and for him. More than any other single element, I miss this one in your story.
Necessity is the mother of invention. There are plenty of real life stories where people have been lost (at sea, on mountain sides …) where they haven’t eaten for days or weeks before they figured out how to get something into their guts to stave off the worst of deaths. So how did your fabulously maladapted city boy manage? He found it easier than going to a supermarket. The presence of the car and other supplies had both practical and metaphorical impact in the story – but you use it in a way that ultimately cheapened your efforts. Why couldn’t he have survived and thrived just with the clothes on his back? Do ask yourself this question – what is the honest answer?
The capture of the rabbit, in my opinion, was an opportunity in this story that simply went begging. This was a beautifully conceived element that could have crystallized any number of major themes in your story – the clash of civilization and nature, the maladapted modern man out in the wilderness, the denial of animal necessity by said modern man – and you gave it a fraction of what it was worth.
This last point relates to another, more generalized one. In telling me all the things this guy did, you showed very few of them. This gives the story a monotone pace and sound that can stop me reading even if there are interesting elements.
You’ve shown me you’re a good beginner. Now what? You won’t get to the next level without honesty – and that, by all accounts, is a painful process. Have you got it in you?
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Date: 06-17-2009 05:02 pm
Score:
Of course he stayed. Robinson Crusoe, I mean Ruscoe has 27 more years to go! This was a fun read. As an avid mountain biker, I really enjoyed the descriptions of the ride, of Ruscoe’s fatigue, which I experience every spring when I struggle to get back into shape, and of the natural beauty of the area. The transition from his technology dependence and physical softness to becoming and independent and strong person was nicely done. Thanks.
