Other Reviews
| By: phoenixrose |
This is a good story, but it is a bit choppy. You are jumping tenses, at times, which makes it hard to follow. With a little cleaning up, and rethinking of certain phrasings, you will have a finely polished piece.... |
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| By: man pat |
اهلا... |
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| By: David William Wilkin |
It seems more prose than fiction. Moses and Africa seems a logical tie, but they somehow don't relate. If Moses doesn't get to the promised land as our character is dreaming, then perhaps he doesn't either. In all it seems that it does combine together.
Why not say something to the angel? Why not pick oneself up? In these times introspection that just brings us down is opposite the phenomena such as Susan Boyle in England, totally uplifting. So a downer, or a good feeling, rather have the good feeling and pass on this.... |
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Date: 07-22-2009 08:26 am
Score:
I thought the first two paragraphs to be excellently written then as I read further I became disappointed; I personally am not interested in the Army or religious aspects woven into stories. I was expecting something a bit more mysterious and mystical I suppose...
