Other Reviews
| By: mattk |
David Brinn comes to mind. There is quite a bit here that is alien, and can prevent a reader from getting interested in the subject matter. I love the alien race "itorian', that's totally cool. The Ogden Empire sounds a little too close to the Utah city ( Ogden is about 20 to 30 minutes north of Salt Lake City, Utah ). I'd try to change that a little bit ( like Ok'Tann or something similar ).
One important thing I noticed with the direct use of Drand's name over and over. Of all the names, really. Its important to mix up a bit how you refer to people. Using something other than their name. Sometimes this takes a bit of rewriting and trying new things, breaking it up into sections. Avoid expository, though. One thing I keep getting told is "show them, don't tell them", and that's really hard to do sometimes.... |
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| By: Steve Johnson |
Would like to read more about this, especially what has happened to the Itorians world!
You say the mind extraction takes a painstakingly long time, wouldn't they get interrupted?
Also, you say that there are billions of people to be rescued, but that you could cripple the Odgens weapons long enough to transport most people off world. To transport billions of people will take months, surely? Or am I reading something wrong? :)
Quite difficult to read with those big paragraphs too.....
I did like it though, so more of this please!... |
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Date: 08-24-2009 03:56 pm
Score:
I need an "IN" into the writing.
As a once voracious reader of SF, one thing that always irks me is front-loading with all the odd character names & references that should develop gradually. Which is complaint I have of published & known authors.
You need interesting hooks & topic sentences up front.
