Other Reviews
| By: Jerran Wolf |
This is an interesting idea, but I feel like it needs to be developed more. It seems to stop abruptly, just as you'd expect the story to unfold. Right now, it seems more like a conversation, rather than a developing plot. Also, Maila seems to be too well adjusted. If time travel is not normal where she's from, should she be more unsettled and shocked at the reality of being transported back in time?... |
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| By: mwray |
Good stuff. Kept me interested.... |
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| By: Jane Doe |
Interesting idea.... A "Utopia" for the future.... Amusing idea. If you look at history itself though, this is already in progress (I'm not saying your ideas are bad, because they are great and it makes people think), through the Renaissance and the Enlightenment you can see this happening...... |
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| By: blueninja |
Interesting, if a bit short and...condescending? Maila talks about how more evolved she and her people are, but sites no real proof. I hope there is more to come and we can learn more of Maila's evolved philosophy. Currently, there is no more substance to her views and story than a Harvard guy arguing that his school is better than Yale. It makes me suspicious of her and her story. Definitely need more... |
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| By: Michael |
Interesting but just seemed to end. Also all the 'Name:'are distracting. ... |
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| By: Chris |
NIce beginning to a longer tale. I'd like to know more about Maila. Interesting idea to present her interview with Homeland Security in the form of a transcript.... |
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| By: gosox5555 |
Amazing story. I was very engaged the whole time reading it. The painting for the future you give is very grim but it gives hope that maybe we can change and make the future better.... |
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| By: Erba |
I think you have an interesting story, but you're telling not showing. Show us all she talks about instead and make it into an adventure instead of a dialogue.... |
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| By: Lynn Cromarty |
A generally good story. Unusual way of noting the speech, but in doing this it has lost any emotion, and I do not think the actual conversation managed to inject this missing ingredient. Maila seems to take it all very calmly, personally if I have been just time traveled back 2000 years I think I would have been a bit less calm, would possibly even have felt angry or distressed about it all. And similar to some of the other comments, I felt this was the start of something bigger rather than a complete story.... |
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| By: Dr_SAG |
I generally liked the story, but then again, I'm a sucker for writers' views of the future. The idea of becoming more 'morally' advanced, rather than technologically advanced is an interesting premise and deserves a more extensive treatment than presented here. My only real criticism is that the story is too short, not just in number of words, but in development of the main theme.... |
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| By: DarkBlueBirdy |
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| By: Steve Johnson |
I like the twist on the 'advanced civilisation', but Maila doesn't seem too distressed that she's travelled back in time?
I hope there's more to this as the end seems a little abrupt.... |
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Date: 08-29-2009 04:34 pm
Score:
Liked the concept but like other reviewers... it is only a drop in the bucket. There is only enough here for an introduction to a story. Not enough to justify digging into a real critique.
