| By: Kraal |
short and sweet. nice idea.... |
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| By: carpetshark |
it made me laugh -Samuel obviously has a future as a dentist.... |
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| By: Bill Cameron |
Very comical. Something that comes to mind is what if you added touches to make it seem like Samual and Frankenstein had something in common? Samuel admires the neck bolts, perhaps because he's into tattoos and piercings and similar adornments.... |
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| By: Jane Doe |
Oh, man! This made me laugh! Awesome story, very intriguing!... |
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| By: dscox |
Loved it! Man, what a awesome sense of humour you have. Great job! Couple of things though, if I may? Wolfman should have a capital I think. Like Frankenstein's Monster, you know? Also, I kind of felt a clunk while I was reading this sentence, '"RAAAAAAURGH!" said Frankenstein's monster, and he peeled out of the drive-through, leaving Samuel coughing in his exhaust."' I reckon that "AS he peeled out of the drive-through" sounds better. Also, the "coughing in his exhaust" is a little off too. Don't know what I'd do with that, though. Perhaps, "leaving Samuel coughing from the Hummer's exhaust fumes." ?
Just a couple of idea's though.
Will tell my wife about this story; great idea!
Thanks Ian! Keep it up!... |
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| By: admin_user |
Nice piece of social commentary. I like the way the kid feels he is connecting with the monster even though the monster never does anything but growl. And of course in the end you find that he was never really connecting at all.
I agree with Bill's sentiment about giving the kid some piercings to tie him into Frankenstein's monster. Not only does it give him a reason to admire the monster's neck bolts, but it also underscores the fact that they are both monsters. Or maybe it would be too heavy handed.
I really didn't have nay comments to make inline. It was concise and well written.... |
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| By: Tessa |
outright funny, although I don't care much for swearing... |
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| By: phoenixrose |
Nice. Was not expecting that ending, but it is a statement, in-and-of itself.... |
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| By: tll |
It was an interesting attempt at a dialogue on the self absorbed American lifestyle. However it fell short for me personally at two levels. First, having the Wolfman act as a interpreter for the Monster seems a bit forced, and unnatural I don't know what would work there, maybe an internal dialogue, or a section where the Monster starts speaking (in the book the Monster was capable of speech) and delivers this information directly to the reader. Maybe a line about the damn kid forgetting the number seven?
The other place where I felt that the story came up short is that the title Monster almost invites an ambiguity of who the monster really is. This is furthered by the use of both the Wolfman and Frankenstein's Monster who were used as metaphors in the 1950's for the McCarthy witch hunts to ask the question in a more safe form who really is the monster here? What's so monstrous about a teen working at McDonalds who wants to rebel, but is made impotent by the very fact that he is a teen?... |
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| By: Miller Hill |
I liked the story - I liked that it was so packed with a world view in such a short story. The ending felt a little weak, though. I don't really know what could be done to improve it. Perhaps leaving it after the wolfman's first line "...like five times." I think that leaves us with as much information as we need to get your point without taking it too far. Other than that, add some more imagery - describe the smell of the exhaust, tell us whether an October sun is gleaming in the freshly waxed paint of the Hummer's hood or whether it's a rainy spring morning. Describe Samuel's appearance to us - even in just a few lines - and you'll have a good piece. Rock on with it, duder. ... |
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| By: Alan |
that is pretty dang funny... |
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| By: Wyatt |
Suddenly, I'm like in a Mad magazine. Good use of juxtapositional humour to make a social comment. I also love the way you used only 15 words to to introduce the main character, the protagonist, the setting and even a the Hummer, which of course, Frankenstein's monster would be driving. This would make a great late-night TV sketch.... |
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| By: David Griffin |
Neat little story with a good twist at the ending. A l'il bit silly but I lightened up and read it a second time, still enjoying it.... |
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| By: AZ Ranger |
Good one with an excellent reflection on today's world. Fun story.... |
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