The Walls Fell
by Bob Prescott

The Walls

I lost my job a couple years ago to corporate downsizing.  The day I was released, I felt more like "it's about time", than "I can't believe it".  Not saying that I don't do my job, it's just that the customers weren't there.  We already had one Systems Engineer in the area, and he could certainly handle the majority of the work on his own.  Besides, I was confident that I'd have another job within two weeks anyway.

The next day the towers fell and every single contact I had dried up.  You wouldn't think something like that would cause the amount of economic trouble that it did, but what a mess!  Maybe I just didn't see what was actually going on before that until I was forced to open my eyes, who knows.  I just see a completely different economy now than I did before being laid off.

At this point in time, I am living with my wife's family.  We moved in after one of my contract jobs ended.  The money coming in just couldn't keep things going, so we rented a storage space, dumped our unnecessary stuff into it, and took over the top floor of their house.  It turns out that it was a good thing, because one month later I was almost killed driving my truck into a non-movable object.  My wife would have had one hell of a time trying to move all our stuff without me there.  I am so very thankful in this regard.

I still remember how it felt when I woke up.  The whole experience is rather surreal.  The part that bothered me the most was realizing that my truck was gone.  I could tell from how close I was to the dash board that something serious was wrong with it.  The front window was broken, there were strange people inside the cab and it wasn't moving any more.  No... no... no!  That's what was running through my head the more I looked around.  Every so many seconds I could hear, almost feel, the word "no" going through me, louder and louder!  I didn't want to lose my favorite truck.  I bought it brand new from a dealer with all the options I wanted and after two years, fell in love with it.

I've been thinking "No... No... No..." ever since as everything else gets slowly taken away.  My credit is a complete mess, since I've used every slim penny I make just to buy food and keep up the payments on the other car.  The storage place almost auctioned off all our stuff, but luckily my years in the field helped to schmooze my way out of it for now.  The phone is gone.  No more internet. I sure did like having DSL...

The night they came for the van I knew who it was.  A small car with two guys in it pulled into the driveway too late at night, and one of them got out and walked up to the door.  I met him there and held out the keys when he said who he was.  We did our best to act like decent humans as the last piece of our former living was taken away.  We grabbed a couple of things from it and headed back into the house, as quiet as we could.  I give my wife an aweful lot of credit for not exploding in rage or tears.  That night sucked.

I owe so much money to so many different people that if my computer gets taken away, I won't have a clue in paying them back someday.  This will have to be my last possession, because it would hurt too much to lose everything stored on this thing.  I guess I could cheat and take out the hard drive, but then I'd have the same result.

The walls have most certainly fallen.  Years ago I saw a movie in which a guys car was repossessed, his girlfriend left him, and he was kicked out of his apartment for not paying the rent.  I finally felt that incredible resignation that I saw in that guys face when it was all gone.  It's so funny that the scene of his car driving down the road as he gave up has stuck in my mind for twenty years.  I must have known somehow that this was an important thing.

I would suppose that it's at this point when we truly see who we are.  We get a chance to see ourselves, stripped completely naked of all coverings, with a full look at our bare selves.  With nothing to hide behind, this is not an easy sight, believe me.  All I know is that without my eldest son, my youngest son, my wife who doesn't stop, and all those around me, that I would not be here.

It's interesting.  Now I see that the walls actually haven't fallen, after all.  The expensive facade has just been stripped off, showing me who I truly am and causing me to be more pleased than I ever thought possible.

Now it's time to forget about the walls and jump into a group hug, simply because we can.